Pillow Talk
Do you ever find yourself lying awake at night with thoughts of other people tossing and turning you to restlessness? Replaying interactions, contemplating relationships, pondering earlier conversations... Noticing that the stress of other people's "stuff" is invading your dream space and infiltrating your time to rest and digest. If this sounds familiar, you might not be setting clear boundaries. I'm not talking about the boundaries you set with other people, either: I'm talking about the boundaries you set with yourself.
It is, of course, very important to be honest and transparent with those in your life. To offer very clear communication of your needs in the relationship, as well as straightforward parameters about where they fit in to your journey. It is also just as important to draw those lines for your own personal psyche.
For example, if you invite a guest over to your home, they are likely free to roam around the living room, hang out in the kitchen, and explore other common areas of your abode. However, the idea of your guest walking into your bedroom without an invitation, rifling through your closet without permission, crawling into your bed and curling underneath your sheets: would likely feel like a huge violation of privacy. Am I right? So, if you feel uncomfortable with someone's physical presence invading your personal space, then why are you inviting their energetic presence to sing the nightly lullaby you fall asleep to?
The place we lay our heads at night is our own personal wellness incubator: providing safe space for the body to release, the mind to unload, and the soul to float with freedom. When we invite other people into this healing ritual, we are consciously choosing to take precious time away from our own restoration. We are allowing someone else to receive the medicine of our nightly self care.
Time to set some boundaries!
If you are always restless over someone else's opinion, shaken awake by your anxiety over the relationship, exhausted from picking up all the bull shit they've left around for you to clean, then it's time to kick em' out of the bedroom. Leave that energy in the living room, or the kitchen. Leave it in your office and file it under- things to deal with on Thursday. I promise, if it's really important, it will be there for you to deal with when the time is right. And if it really is meaningful for you to work through, then it is actually more respectful to address the situation after a full night's incubation in your bedicine.
Oh and here's another idea, especially for those constantly being bombarded with someone else's crap: take a walk out your back door, head over to the dumpster, lift up the lid and toss it. There are very few reasons to carry around someone else's garbage. And maybe, if you make the conscious decision to stop hauling other people's stuff around for them, they might just finally learn to start taking out their own trash one day.
Side note: even with daily intention, there can be certain circumstances where someone's energy continues to sneak into bed with you at night. If you find yourself in this situation, you might want to take a closer look at the dynamics of that particular relationship. This requires deep introspection to decide how important it is for your own well-being to let go, all together, of that person's energetic and physical presence in your life. It might not be an easy decision, but I promise if you sleep on it, you'll find the right answer eventually.
Hazelwood Photo
